So, holy crap! I had a baby.
One of the most amazing yet terrifying and tiring experiences of my life so far.
9 Weeks later and I’ve finally gotten around to writing this, 4 months after my last post!
So apologies for the delay to whoever may be reading, but ya, I gave birth to a tiny human and he is perfect in every way.
I must admit, I didn’t feel that overwhelming surge of joy and love when I first saw Finn and the midwife was placing him onto my chest. The first thing I did was lie back, let out a sigh of relief and my first thought was thank god that’s over!! But c’mon I spent three days in labour.
So Finn is here, he’s healthy and sturdy and adorable. It took me about four weeks to get my head around the fact that I’m now responsible for a tiny person (Still trying to accept that fact) and about 6 weeks to actually start to like him and fall hopelessly in love with him.
Yes there’s a chance that you may not like your child straight away, and that’s ok! One of the best pieces of advice myself and Ross got was “Don’t feel bad if you don’t fall in love with your baby straight away. It may take some time.” and so every time I looked at him and felt guilty about not feeling that exploding overwhelming joy and the “I’ll kill anyone whoever hurts him” feeling, I had to remind myself that it would come eventually and it did.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I did love him, that was inevitable, I loved him since the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Hell I spent the first three days of his life expressing every three hours to produce about 0.2ml of colostrum (and crying at 3am when I came up empty handed after half an hour of being hooked up to a machine) in order to give him the best start in life. I expressed exclusively for 3 weeks before I finally caved after his second growth spurt and supplemented with formula. I didn’t do all of that because I didn’t love him. I just wasn’t in love with him.
And we’re glad he’s here 🙂